Respect is something we all want from others, and, in certain relationships, like marriage, we expect it. Respect is an important principle in life and has three distinct meanings:
A sense of worth or excellence of a person
An acknowledgement, a right or privileged position
Being esteemed or honored - “to be held in respect”
To fully grasp the principle of respect we need to see how it works in the most important of relationships; the one between us and the Lord. In Scripture, the idea of respect is similar to the dictionary definition above but it also goes one step further:
To honor (Genesis 30:19)
To reverence or fear (Lev. 19:3)
To learn, study and know someone (1 Sa. 2:12)
In fact, in many cases, respect can be interchanged with reverence, or “fear” as it is often translated. We think of fear in the sense of being afraid of something but its use in Scripture often refers to the deep seeded respect or reverence we are called to have for God.
Perhaps the most recognized use of this word is found in Proverbs 1:7 - “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge”
The phrase “the fear of the Lord” is used over 60 times and always relates to the heart attitude we are to have towards God. It also speaks to the character within us and how that attitude results in receiving blessings of knowledge and understanding.
Why is this true? Because people who feared the Lord were considered trustworthy and faithful because that type of fear (reverence) constrained them to live and believe in a moral and godly way.
In other words, the “fear of the Lord” was closely tied to keeping God’s decrees and laws (Deuteronomy 6:2).
Earlier I mentioned that one of the uses of respect in Scripture refers to learning, studying and knowing someone. For marriage, this is found in 1 Peter 3:7 where we are told that “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together”
The word “honor” in this passages refers to recognizing the worth and value of the person. In other words, a husband respects his wife because he pays honor to the position she holds which is God given.
Equally, the word “understanding” speaks to practical and intuitive knowledge. It has the idea of watching and studying, recognizing the unspoken or the not so obvious.
When you respect (honor and understand) someone, you value their role in the relationship and you go out of your way to learn and study them to know what makes them tick, what’s most important to them.
But it all begins with first respecting and revering God; having the fear of the Lord. How we respect one another is a reflection of how we view God and how we respect / revere Him in our relationship.
Reverence for God is the game changer in a marriage and in any relationship. Look at some of these examples on reverence.
Reverence for God leads to proper respect for others and right relationships among the people of God.
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph. 5:21
Reverence affects social attitudes.
Show your fear of God by not taking advantage of each other. I am the Lord your God. Leviticus 25:17
Reverence affects our work
But select from all the people some capable, honest men who fear God and hate bribes. Appoint them as leaders over groups of one thousand, one hundred, fifty, and ten. Exodus 18:21
Reverence affects the behavior of believers in a marriage
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. 1 Peter 3:1-2
Reverence reduces hostility
Then the fear of the Lord fell over all the surrounding kingdoms so that none of them wanted to declare war on Jehoshaphat. 2 Chronicles 17:10
Reverence for God gives us the blueprint for how respect works in marriage:
Empathy – to identify with others, that leads to
Surrender – to submit my perceptions of others, my will, and my all to God that leads to
Praise – to have a heart for worship that leads to
Encouragement – to be uplifted and in a state of joy, which leads to
Communication – to be open and honest with my spouse, which leads to
Trust - where I can have complete certainty that I’m in the right place with God
And the result is Respect…