What does love really mean to you today? When you were first married, you “felt” love. Excitement, goose bumps, electric shocks passed through you as your love looked at you or held your hand. But what about now? After years of marriage are the electric shocks gone as you’ve experienced conflict and hurt feelings?
An interesting fact, love is a noun and a verb. Let me explain. When we first fall in love, love to us is feelings, affection, sexual passion or desire, yet we find that love, as a noun, is not sustainable in marriage. On the other hand, love as a verb, is not just feelings, it is behavior, it is the act of loving someone.
Many of us are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13. Here is a reminder of what it says in verses 4-8:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
God’s definition of love is surely active. He sent His son to die for us, when we did not deserve it. Romans 5:8 says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
He loved us when we were unlovable! When we did not deserve it! That is what brought me to know Jesus. Because I knew that He knew me, every aspect of me, and yet He died for me anyway. That is love.
Now, do we love our spouses in the same way? It isn’t easy when the “feelings” are not there. Life is busy, trials happen, parenting, aging parents….so many challenges in life arise daily that can hinder our active love for our spouse. Yet we are committed to each other, and therefore need to live out love actively.
Let’s use God’s definition of love and apply it to our marriage. Are you patient with your spouse? Are you kind? Do you envy them, or uplift them? Are you proud and boast that you’re a good husband or wife, but then tear down your spouse because of a weakness they may have? Do you honor or dishonor your spouse? Do you keep their confidence; do they trust you? Do you seek to fill your own needs first, or the needs of your spouse? Are you easily angered? Do you bring up the past because you have kept a record of how often you have been wronged or hurt?
My challenge to you is to live out love according to God’s way, and watch it transform your marriage. I remember my husband asking me early on in our marriage what he could do to make my day easier. He consistently made an effort to meet my needs without asking for anything in return. Well, in return, I had to do the same, because I love him. When you are both putting each other first, you are both actively living out love!
Take 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, replace the word “love” at the start of each action with your name, and see how many of those actions you are actually living out. For the ones you are struggling with, pick one, work on it, and then move on to the next one. When you pray according to God’s will He hears you and will help you.
Actively love each other!