MARRIAGE MATTERS
A STRONG FOUNDATION
SESSION 1
MARRIAGE MATTERS
“Marriage is an exclusive union between one man and one woman, publicly acknowledged, permanently sealed, and physically consummated.” - Selwyn Hughes
Early in the bible God states that it isn't good for man to be alone. The NLT says it quite well in chapter 2:18 - Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."
That last phrase - "just right for him" - sums it up in a way that no other book on marriage can. God's bottom line on this topic was and still is that man and woman were designed to be together as husband and wife from God's original plan and purpose.
Plans don't always work out the way we expected. With so many attacks on marriage and family in our society, there's no question as to why many have begun to view it as an inconvenience. Sadly, for many, marriage is a disappointment or worse, a forgotten dream. But for those that want marriage to be fulfilling and desire to follow God's plan and purpose for marriage, it can be rewarding beyond what we could ever attempt to express in words.
Marriage still matters. It's the oldest of human relationships and from the beginning it is clear that God's purpose in creating man and woman was so they could be together - "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." - Genesis 2:24
As you start this 10 week journey you will be embarking on a road without u-turns and exit ramps - unless you decide to dig up the road and make them exist. I say this because in describing His word, God says "I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it." - Isa. 55:11
In other words, we have the certainty and surety that if we too are listening and applying His word in our marriages then we too will prosper and will be able to experience all that is possible within a godly marriage environment.
Too good to be true, you say? Let me challenge you for a moment by sharing a simple yet deeply profound truth - God honors those that honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30). Put Him to the test.
To begin, in this first week we want to look at some of the more common scriptures relating to marriage and marriage relationships in the bible. We also want to get you thinking about what your marriage can become.
Some of you are here because you're planning to be married and want to establish the best foundation going into such a sacred relationship. There are some of you whose marriages are broken and need a radical change. Everything you've tried has failed and you might be considering giving up. There are others who need a reset and want to get back on the path they started.
Thank God that regardless of why you are here, He has the answer to all of it. The most challenging part of change is the doing part. Some of the activities will be emotional and even painful. This is where we need to pause and remind ourselves that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and those that are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
Don't quit - this is an opportunity to see Him at work in your life.
DO
Scriptures to read this week
Genesis 2:22-24 Genesis 24:67 Matthew 19:4-6 Hebrews 13:4-7 John 15:7-8
Please read the scriptures above this week. We recommend that you try and read through them a few times over the next few days. Take notes and make the effort to consider how they are speaking directly into your life.
The PDF link to the right will allow you to download the 1 page session questionnaire. You can either complete the questions using a PDF reader such as Adobe Acrobat or Preview on your Mac - or you can print it.
Marriage Matters
ACT
Schedule some time together this week to review the answers to your questions.
We recommend choosing a time that will minimize any distractions and one that will allow you both to speak freely and openly about your responses.
The idea is to be honest and transparent without judging one another. Starting the course correctly will make all the difference between you.
THIS WEEK'S ACTIVITY
REMEMBER YOUR FUTURE
An activity designed to get you thinking ahead and to help you navigate the path to get there.
THINGS YOU'LL NEED
Post-It Notes and something to write with - a marker or sharpie are best
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Pick a room in the house where you can both have space to write and be able to stick the Post-It Notes to a wall, table or something that will allow you to see each other's responses and work together on this.
The idea is simple. Set a timer for 5 minutes.
Then each of you write no more than 2-3 words on a Post-It Note that describes what GREAT would look like for your marriage 2 years from now. Fox example, one Post-It Note may read "have children" or another may read "No debt" or another "Date night weekly"
The idea is to keep it short and to the point. There is no limit to how many Post-It Notes you can have but we recommend that you try and keep it to less than 10 since the objective is to focus on the most important items. Do this separate from each other without looking at your spouse's responses.
When the 5 minutes are up you can each put your Post-It Notes on the wall or surface next to each other's so you can now see the responses.
Next - group the ones that are similar and arrange the the different ones to one side.
THE HARD PART
This is where the activity usually becomes sensitive. Once you've established groups and know what it all looks like, you should each prioritize them in the order of what you believe is most important. You can do this by simply placing the Post-It Notes in the order of importance.
Some couples discover that they completely disagree on the order of importance. Others find that they are aligned. Regardless of which situation you find yourself in, the work to do next is to discuss them in order by each of you answering the following questions:
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Why is this one the most important one for me?
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What would I need to change about me to make this happen?
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What would we need to do differently as a couple to make this happen?
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What obstacles would prevent this from happening?
These questions can vary by topic but the idea is to reverse engineer the 2 years and identify what you would both need to do differently to see this important topic happen.
Use the week to work through each topic if you need more time. You will revisit these again and at the end of the course you will look at them and see if anything about your views have changed.