"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick."

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This quote, in it's various forms, has been mentioned by many over the years. When I first heard it I remember thinking how true it was. I thought about how I felt when I had bitterness or unforgiveness towards someone and how you can get yourself sick over it and the other person may never even know how you really feel.

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The topic of forgiveness in the bible is woven throughout it's entire history. The essence of the Good News is forgiveness - the work God did to bring us back into a relationship with Him. I don't know if it is fully possible to grasp the depth of forgiveness that God demonstrated through His Son. We struggle with forgiveness because we don't understand its purpose and how it functions within the context of our relationships.

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We think it is something that we do or have to do when we're offended but further inspection reveals that forgiveness, or the lack thereof, is an ongoing condition and attitude of our hearts. We're constantly deciding whether to forgive or not forgive - when someone cuts us off driving, when someone disagrees with us, when we don't get good customer service and on and on it goes.

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When Peter approached Jesus on the subject, he got a response he wasn't expecting. Jesus' answer was about continuing to forgive regardless of the amount of times offences occured. Peter thought seven times was commendable. We are like Peter - maybe worse. We buy into the "three strikes you're out" theory when it comes to how long a leash we'll extend to others.

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If marriage were a cupcake, forgiveness would be the frosting on top. It's what makes the cupcake what it is. It is only one part of the cupcake but it makes the whole thing sweeter to the taste. Forgiveness in marriage brings a sweetness to the relationship that can't be underestimated.

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There is another aspect to forgiveness we need to mention - it's immediate. This is a sensitive topic and one I hope I can explain well. I didn't say that you'd "feel" better right away but when someone asks your forgiveness you need to tell them that you accept it. The bible doesn't teach anything different. It doesn't teach that holding a grudge is acceptable. It doesn't teach that you can forgive the person after you've had time to think about it more and it doesn't teach that forgiving someone means you don't have feelings or emotions over what happened.

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When we choose to stay hurt, angry or offended, it's because we're choosing to do that out of pride. It's easy to tell others to forgive an offence when they haven't suffered something as serious as you. I certainly cannot sympathize with all the possible scenarios that exist which cause deep pain, hurt and suffering between people. I can only turn to the source of life and what He tells me to do regardless of my feelings. Last week we touched on love being an act of the will before the emotion of love really takes place. Forgiveness is that way - first we choose to honor God's instruction on the topic and then we see Him work the emotions and feelings into our lives because of that painful, but willing, first step of faith we took.

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The success of your marriage will largely depend on your willingness to forgive one another each time something happens between you. In Ephesians 4:32 we're reminded that God's forgiveness for us was so great that we really have no basis for not forgiving others.

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