This week we want to focus on the less obvious and more accepted behaviors that we would never call sin that actually are. Such patterns of behavior are silent marriage killers. Jesus instructed us on how we should live our lives. He talked about serving others and in the previous courses we’ve touched on a number of principles that reflect a Spirit filled life. “The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:11-12)

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This course will be a bit harder than the others. It may seem like an attempt to depress you emotionally, but it is designed to do just the opposite. No matter how much we talk about all aspects of marriage, the most important thing is that actions speak louder than words. How you behave shows who you really are. What you think you are doing, what you say you are doing, and what you want others to think you are doing is completely irrelevant if it is inconsistent with the action.

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At its deepest level, our behavior says it all. The language of our body, the look on our face, the things we do - they all show what is happening in our heart.

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Why do marriages have difficulties or even break up? Why do we experience broken relationships in life? Eventually, it’s a matter of pride that manifests itself slowly over time in bad behaviors that eat away at our relationships. The Bible calls pride a sin (Mark 7: 21-23). The world does not want to talk about sin - it is a dirty word, as it should be. Even worse, when it is applied to us to indicate a behavior or action, we reject it completely. We’re happy to point it out as sin in others but don’t call me a sinner!

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Our nature is sinful - it rejects God and declares independence. The result is behavior that is not very desirable. As people, we tend to be good at some things that are really not so good, such as saying hurtful words, rejecting or neglecting the needs of others, using sarcasm or cynicism to disguise our true feelings, and defending ourselves instead of listening. In fact, the process that happens to many is described in the scriptures: “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” (James 1:14-15).

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This week is more than just the obvious fact that we are sinners and we need a Savior. It is more encouraging that that. It’s that we have to live life and sometimes it is a bit complicated. Our challenge is to learn to identify the smallest patterns of negative behavior and to work to get rid of them: "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom." (Proverbs 2:15)

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How is pride manifested in our lives? Can you identify yourself with any of these manifestations?
 

•   Stress / anxiety / restlessness
   

•   Little or no self-control
   

•   Dissatisfaction with life
   

•   Impatience
   

•   Easily irritating or angry
   

•   Jealous / Compare yourself with others / Envious
   

•   Gossiping / 'White lies' / Defamation / Coarse language
   

•   Control / Manipulate the situation to your advantage

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Understandably, this list may get you down as we are all guilty of practicing these things in some combination on a daily basis. The usual answer is "I'm just human!" In this way, we justify and rationalize why we do the things we do, but that is not an excuse. If you are someone who is determined to follow Christ, the Bible says that everyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17)
 

But the new life is in accordance with the teaching in the Scriptures, which instruct us to stop doing the things we have done before: "For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins." (2 Peter 1:9).
 

FUNDAMENTAL FOUNDATION - when we choose to behave in a way that hurts others or even ourselves, we are basically saying that God is not what who He says He is - He has no control over everything, and we choose to neglect and disapprove of His power and direction in our lives.
 

Our life and our marriage are meant to be models of doing the right things in the right way and to quickly get back on the 'track' when we have not done so. It’s never about a false state of perfection or a burden to live to an unattainable and unrealistic standard. It’s always about consistency which means when we fall down, we get back up each and every time until we learn to fall down less.